2 weeks ago today . . . .

Two weeks ago today I was lying in bed in our hotel room in Hangzhou, China. After 5 long years of this journey to a daughter, our hearts had been overcome with hope and joy when we met Tia that morning. She looked right into our eyes and when we held her she wouldn't let us put her down. As I watched our little girl sleeping beside me I was suddenly overcome with a wave of fear. Tomorrow this little 19 month old beauty would be legally ours in the eyes of China. I had just realized Tia seemed unable to do anything but snuggle into us and whimper. She didn't sit, or seem able to put any weight on her legs, vocalize or do anything really. Just days before a family had disrupted their adoption in China before it was final. I had just read about it that evening and I was scared. As the fear egulfed me I closed my eyes and prayed to God, "Is this our daughter, this little girl who may be a vegetable all her life?" It was only moments and the answer was crystal clear, I could hear that still small voice speaking to my heart. "She is your daughter, she already is". I woke Matt to give him a dose of my fear and make sure he knew what we may be getting ourselves into. He tried to wake up, thought for a moment and then just said, "she is ours, whatever that means, she is our daughter". And so I went to sleep. The next day we visited Tia's orphanage and we saw our precious little girl begin to laugh and giggle when she saw her former Nannies. We watched her walk around inside her old crib interacting with the other little kids she had known. It was suddenly so obvious that there was nothing wrong with our daughter except that she, not very different from myself, had been completely overcome with fear.

Today just two weeks later I am filled with so much hope and love and joy for my precious little girl. That little girl who just laid there and whimpered now crawls everywhere, walks when we hold her hands and says: Mama, DaDa, Googol (good girl) uhuh (uh oh)nn nn nn(no no no no), she sings with me when I sing, she giggles at the littlest tickle and her smile can fill our entire house with joy. This little girl is our daughter, our beautiful, funny, charming and somewhat sassy daughter. I can't imagine what life would have been like if I had listened to fear instead of to God.

Tia is our daughter, she just is.